Turn your head and cough...

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For some reason, people tend to get dumber as they go on vacation, and they all swarm to the Sunshine State. Since Florida's economy depends on these people, however, all locals can do is smile and take it. Original Air Date: March 29, 2009

Bless me loyal followers for I have sinned, it's been several weeks since my last post...


All that being said I feel I owe you an explanation. I've been working on a side project with one of my handfull of jobs that involved a PSA contest. The time spent was well worth it because a bunch of deserving kids beat out the rest of Florida in the contest and I couldn't be prouder of them. On top of that one of my other jobs has been occupying my time lately but now that everything has settled somewhat I should be back on track here. Douchebags IV has been delayed (for those of you who have followed me since the beginning this shouldn't come as a shock) I'll have the script finished in a few days then it'll just come down to when Boy Scout Ben and I can find a good day to film in our 2 seperate locations (me in Florida, him in Boston). After filming is complete I promise I'll edit it right away because it's been a while since an actual "episode" has been released.


In the meantime you can enjoy other episodes and new mini-doses that will be coming out soon. The episode I have below is the tourism episode I made back in 2009 to "welcome" Spring Breakers to our lovely home. In the latest issue of the Beachcomber (p. 8) I gave a set of guidelines of biblical proportions in the "Ten Emerald Coast Commandments" which other tourist areas are more than welcome to use as well.


However, while I have touched on this topic in both the episode and the article, I find it necessary to shed a little more light on how we continually pander to the idiotic. I'm talking about, of course, tourists not observing the flag warning system when they go to the beach and decide to take a swim. Granted, drownings are no laughing matter, nor should they be. They are tragic when they happen and the trauma ripples through us as a whole. But the real tragedy is that more times than not, it's because either some self-absorbed parent allows their kid to swim so they can have alone time with whoever they're sharing their "special weekend" or some drunk frat boy who thinks Jose Cuervo gives them super powers decides to brave the water to impress his weekend notch in his belt so he can make good use of the hotel suite his equally douchey parents paid for. Or even some instances where a local drowns trying to save these wastes of oxygen (the frat boys, not the kids, they need at least some chance of not growing up to be a lack of grey matter like their folks).


I came across a news story saying the flag warning system is ineffective, and that we need to implement new ways to prevent drownings. That's when I had a WTF moment...


Not only do we have the flag warning system, but we've made it illegal for people to go near the water ind double-red flag conditions. We have lifeguards on most of our beaches and sheriff's patrols during peak season. Our customer service workers at resorts and hotels also go out of their way to warn tourists about the dangers of undertow and rip currents. We do everything we can to keep tourists from going the way of the dodo, going against natural selection. What else more can we possibly do short of slapping the bastards and saying, "HEY YOU DUMB S**T!!! STAY OUT OF THE WATER!!!"? Ron White said it best when he created the moder proverb, "You can't fix stupid," and I believe we should continue to do what we can while following that creed. If some idiot wants to risk his own dumb ass by going into unfamiliar waters, by all means who are we to question Charles Darwin on this one?


Johnny C. will return...